Howling sound of sorrow

When you painted the last sky of our year.
It wept in place.
Dirty Maybelline rain that stained the silence.
Your hands feel like ribs, keeping me safe.
Around my heart that thundered like the storm.
A promise of goodbye, felt fragile in the conditions.
To be blown away and forgotten.
Now the fear creeps in with the fog.
Of getting older.
Of you no longer, staying with me.
Elemental, torn from god’s fabric.
Fallen and shook.
Would you remain to taste the rain?
Or let us hide together from the howling wind.
Our love, created by lines and burnt ash.
Caught now in your mouth.
That dream killer, beautiful and nocuous.
Unleashing words that sting.
Caving my world in, in this moment in time.
Danger now looms over here, and in your night;
I see my soulmate disappear.

Till death do us part

From the beginning, it should have been known.
In throwing out reasoning and line jumping.
Of crossing over to yours.
Your place or mine?
Rub out the sky then.
Directing into a throb of tomorrow.
The taxi counting down, ready to lift off.
Into the dark with its counter running like tears.
The room consumed.
Bruising us both with it’s filthy obfuscated fingers.
The night pulled into the future.
Concreting us both into something.
After lust and trust is lost, all that is left is conversation.
That moments that folded away into insane separation.
I look to the scars that flicker in my mind.
The hollowed parts of our love.
Empty like the bones of intimacy.
I realise, after all this time.
I used to want to love you.
Now I only want you in death, parted.

Cascade

This talk of syncretic rhythm.
Finds me cowering under the pillows.
Filling up my ears with atoms and ghosts.
It rocks me into unsteadiness.
These thoughts you conjure.
They always hurt me.
Your words are like weapons, sometimes they cut too deep.
Your blitz came and went, leaving my cathedral of love intact.
Yet surrounded by the smoke and dead souls.
At least it remains standing.
It sings out a lullaby in its bells, and lights the candles within.
Like glowing eyes of the dead inside.
My sky machine is set to 7, stars cascade like a celestial waterfall.
Blood on the rocks, bodies in the water.
Drowning in the dirty Milky Way.
If you lick my skin, you will not taste milk and honey.
If you bite my flesh, all you will see is bone and the cartilage of sorrow.
The blood drool of your passion, a butchers banquet.
The smell of revenge in the air sends you up again.
Higher, over the moon and into my bed.
Into my head.
Ripping apart my lonely grey.
Making my eyes dazzle gold like a bruised sun.
As I crawl back once more to the sea.

A Place to burn

The walls tumbled, loudly into the ocean.
Crashing the coast further.
Only a power in goodbye remains.
Disturbing the ground beneath.
Does that tremor reach your heart.
Displace the cells or the spirit higher?
This collapse into hiding.
A running away, to provoke a pain.
Or to remedy a hurt.
Travels in whispers, and lands in stone.
Freedom welcomes an honest heart.
Breaking spells which have bound this space.
A broken heart consumes itself in delicious dreams.
That there may be something else to try.

Gave your ghost

This stillness suffocates.
Gasping for the scent of redemption.
We gave up a life for love.
A family for faith.
We’d trade it all to be back again.
Slowly moving in still frames, able to undo.
You pick your own ghost, holy or hallowed.
Watching over in these times of solitude.
Dead as the graveyard that occupies your mind.
There is no sound, only the wind.
Breathing through you like a howl of opportunity.
But the tombstones mark where your dreams are buried.
Long forgotten and eroding in time.
The view from the tree blurs as you swing.
Rotting strange fruit filters in.
You picture a younger self, a body waiting to be consumed.
Eager for that bark of acceptance to grow.
Yet truth peels.
Now you long to be alone with that former self.
For you never knew anyone who could love thee.

Glass

I buried your words in a glass in the garden.
Trapped them like fireflies in the twilight of this trying.
This break suffocates.
These shards scrape at my skin.
But I tucked them all in, away in the dirt.
Hoping they would remain.
That comforting lie.
A heart made of glass is easily shattered.
You step on the pieces, complain of the splinters.
Never once indestructible.
Then a thunder came and the rains fell.
Lightning struck as the storm of you raged on.
Turning my glass heart back to sand.
Reduced to grains of love, coarse and plentiful.
Yet now a shore only for my own sad sea.
A Lonely desert isle.
Hoping for a glass bottle of hope.
To once again wash ashore.

Nothing lasts forever

Heaven begins to collapse.
Those words begin to relapse.
And these pockets of affection slip back into your soul.
For without them you can’t feel whole.
My love is not enough it seems.
To break the skin, and split the seams.
These wings cannot comfort, in the oncoming storm.
Now this connection becomes unborn.
And you slip away in the dark when the night covers.
Lying to yourself, and others.
That you are only what you need.
When it’s the love you begin to recall.
And with it, angels falls.

‘Nothing but I am’ – New novel

COMING SOON

She left the earth how she wanted, walking into the ocean as the stars above sparkled in their preciousness. She hoped to join them, to transform into something that burned with a power a millions miles away from here. Her departure may be one of sadness, but it was by her own choosing. It was her own way to transform.

‘Nothing but I am’ follows the life of Eleanor, as read through her journal in her final days on the planet. It washes over her hopes and dreams, loves and despairs at the hands of fate and the disturbance of states that begin to corrode her life. Her death imprints itself on a police officer trying to unpick meaning in her demise as she goes through her words and thoughts left in her journal.

A hybrid poetry and fiction novel, marrying poems with journal entries surrounded by a story of departure.

To be lost, was how she found her soul. Cast away on that tiny little craft of self. On no-one’s tide. Swallowing only her own light. This is how she hoped it could be All loss of time and space, never found. And s


 

Elevated point of view

In those eyes, there came a knowing.
A glance and fall, like a candle blowing.
Within that heart I felt a tear.
A wounded bird, tumbling mid-air.
And though tears cannot blur from view.
The rushing ground or distance from you.
I feel a heaven in my heart.
A glowing love struggles to depart.
So I close my eyes and hold my breath.
Into your eyes, I meet my death.

Je Suis Désolé

Down deep, beyond the rib-cage and the flecks of pride.
Lies a guilt, heavy like the tear from god.
It sits silently, weighted by time.
How many grudges have been held?
Placed on this mantel, pride of place.
These bones, once hollow, fill now with coal.
Snap them, and dust will fill your lungs.
Worse than tar, the blackness invades.
It blankets my body inside and out.
Layering over the precious stone of apology.
Sorry.
What a treasured word.
Seemingly too short, it should feel longer.
Spoken like a heavy prayer that presents its importance.
I am sorry.
Now with ownership and agency.
For time is precious, as are these tears.
Bled out in true remorse.
I am sorry for you, what has been done.
Sorry that the past cannot be un-spun.
An apology that starts with me, back in the beginning.
Rolling back time like pages in a book.
Each one filled with the ink of the soul.
And this apology ends with you.
For what is to occur next, in a breath of a life waiting to exhale.
In the unwritten, yet contrite touched pages of my skin.
That keep my sorrys within.

Constraint

Traded in for bruises that fade.
Caught between fists that flurry.
But if you could see yourself.
What control has been sacrificed?
Rolled over into shame.
Mastered nothing but regret.
This secret life, lost in your dreams.
What does any of this mean?
Domestic in the normalising.
Abused yourself by remaining.
Worried now, they know it all too well.
Pull the blind down and shut your eyes.
Count to ten.
As the clock ticks closer to midnight.
And you look a little more worried.
A solitary cry in the night.
From a boy mirroring the wolves.
At your door.

Lest we forget

Trying to steal your future away.
Landing on the moon to paint it blue.
Feeling the floor, years before; where you once imagined dreams may lay.
Now all is gone and the gold is rotten.
We cough out a different path.
Eyes shut wide, pain slips inside; so that I can never be forgotten.

Dig

Guilt smeared like oil.
Staining and rearranging
Puncturing the lungs and mind.
It dissolved my heart that day to watch you cry.
Disappearing in sulphurous tears, staining your soul.
Crumbling our strong walls like chalk.
Like cheap bone.
Dig.
Touching you, like waking a dream.
The hummingbird in my eyes.
The chaos theory on my fingertips.
Fragile and strong like a butterfly.
It all fades to black, the soil covers my words.
Dig.
Ashes to ashes. Wrong to right.
Strung up in that expected departure.
Floating down to the caves below.
Descending in my ascent to accept.
The quietening of me.
Dig.
In a few years from now.
A million heartbeats from here.
Dig.
Through the oil and coal of time.
Passed petrified carnivores and wounded lovers.
To find my bones.
Bleached and mangled, the marrow eaten away.
A Skeleton soul for you to embrace.
East to west, my heart lolled into your direction.
Preserved in time.
Reviving the relic of me.

Wounds

Inherently loved, unheard; yet felt so deep.
Who believes in wounds unseen?
Those wounds, where the light enters.
The scars that are maps to wonderlands.
Whispers of nightmares that generate only in the darkness.
What matters to them, is what matters to me?
Dreams die before they have to.
Bruised into understanding.
Are the places where the flowers grow.
Shiny eyes and metal hearts.
Soft brains torn apart.
Stitched back together by beautiful lies.
Wounds that seep, that darkness deep.
A gold to the soulless who wish to stay rich.
Forgiveness flies on the back of dark doves.
Heading out to sea to die.

Little Red Thread

Managing to bite the apple, split the seeds.
Cast to the wind.
You carve across my heart, splitting and cracking it.
Rupturing it in ways that leave me shaking.
What silent alarms are these?
What pretty little scars.
Spun around your finger, little red threads.
That you weave and place across the chasm.
Pulling my shattered heart together.
Binding it with yours.
You pierce through with the hot needle of love.
Cleansed with whisky and spit.
Woven a forever deep into that failing organ.
Heaving it, healthier, into tomorrow.
The little red thread which you now keep in your pocket.
Always there to keep us together.
To pull as to, when we think we’re breaking.

Seahorse

The Saturn rings look like halos above you.
Don’t move, you look divine.
Around your feet the seahorses play, kicking up moon dust memories.
You find me, deep down in the Mariana trench, decaying like an old wreck.
Do not ask me to play hide and seek now, I do not know the universe as well as you.
1, 2, 3, 4…..Comets shoot across my sky, turning the blackness to fire.
I’m blinded and momentarily lost.
You paralyse me with your tongue, licking sweet sensations.
Then flicking me with words that sink in, deep into the bloodstream.
My nakedness parades in full as I stroll across the moon.
Swim to the ocean floor, swim forever more in the sea that seems beyond tranquil.
8, 9, 10….ready or not.
You found me, just north of Neptune wearing my own crown.
You say it suits you better, everything always does.
I diminish in ill-fitting clothes of the emperor. Falling into threadbare solitude.
Will the trident ever be tested? How much blood needs to flow into these craters to satisfy?
Throw me back to the tide and cast your net further afar.
Let the oceans pull you away, so I never let you plunge my Atlantis into dismay.
My pyramids will be forever mine alone, a place I can go to weep and smile.
Watching the earth follow the moon.

Subside & soar

Falling down the waterfall, shaken out of grace.
Sliding, spiraling and collapsing. Leaving nothing but a trace.
Tumbling down speedily, in disgust from your eyes.
Crawling out of this bitter, purgening demise.
Escaping into nothingness, fleeing into dreams.
Tasting the fruit of freedom. Splitting from the seams.
Moving now a certain way, to expand these wings.
Unfurling fraying feathers, precious aerodynamic things.
Falling once again, from ledges beyond time.
Saying goodbye to shadows, and the ghosts that haunt this mind.
Realisation of collapse, braking bark from the knowledge tree.
Not a sad solitary boat of sand, on your egotistical sea.
I fully bow out, take my leave now and resign.
Plunging into tomorrow knowing, I must fall to begin the climb.

Sweet dreams

Quiet, shhh; let the dreams take hold.
Block out the hurt, the noise and the cold.
Drift into the world of the never before seen.
A place where neither you nor I have been.
Those stories will unfold like the tail of a fairy.
Some of them tall, colourful and scary.
With places that can hide you when life gets too much.
Where you are brave and beautiful; and no longer touched.
Here is freedom wrapped in a space.
A wonderful illusion of time in a place.
So let the dreams now explode in your head.
All from the apparent safety of your bed.

Marker: Black bones vanished

To leave this weary land, is like turning off a light.
My tiny heart is shattered into a million little pieces.
Please understand.
I can no longer fight.
My black bones crumble and my eyes bleed.
And this heart struggles, squeezed by a ghost of a dream I once made.
You lost your way, but are happy with what you found.
Caught between goodbye and complications.
I long for more than this, and the sky above is opening.
I must leave, so please understand my departure.
For to remain allows the belief that I understand.
And linger like a taste in your mouth.
So I will disappear, like words of love and forever.
Muttered into my ear as you cum.
But my exit wounds will never heal.
And your soul, that I tried to steal, will freeze in your bones.
That walk and creak to a lonely death.
Silently stuttering my name.