Conflict(ed)

The ticking clock moves my bones.
Vibrating to a new chorus.
Such fear and bravery dogfight within.
Triggering the gunfire in my heart.
Bringing other humans to their knees.
It stains this soul.
Are we cast out of Eden?
Ordered here under the guilt of honour.
Directed there by badges that shimmer in the sorrow.
A broken moral compass, scratched by time.
Left stranded out to sea.
Struck by the passing grief of that tide.
The one that washed over me.
Seeing death in the eyes of those all around.
Feeling hope strangled, feeling fear take hold.
Who really wins the fight, when we lose ourselves in the struggle?
Stretched and stricken, sunk by the force of your hate.
Every tear here brings the ocean higher.
With every cry, a family welcomes in a stranger.
A void, the blackness. The stories to tell a generation.
Of the great fight, that felt so wrong.

Let the dead in

Those little lights above my head.
Calling the skin to murmur.
It prickles the spine to know, I’m not alone.
I can’t remember when I was lost.
Wandering in the fog on a wavering strength.
These pulsating voices call, welcoming me back.
Those faces remain.
Allowed in to suffocate the bloodstream.
Occupying every darkened corner.
We let the dead in.
Taking everything but understanding.
For they are welcomed by an impulse.
An idea that creeps in when the darkness takes hold.
Better to be surrounded then end up alone.
Yet I was the last to know.

‘Nothing but I am’ – New novel

COMING SOON

She left the earth how she wanted, walking into the ocean as the stars above sparkled in their preciousness. She hoped to join them, to transform into something that burned with a power a millions miles away from here. Her departure may be one of sadness, but it was by her own choosing. It was her own way to transform.

‘Nothing but I am’ follows the life of Eleanor, as read through her journal in her final days on the planet. It washes over her hopes and dreams, loves and despairs at the hands of fate and the disturbance of states that begin to corrode her life. Her death imprints itself on a police officer trying to unpick meaning in her demise as she goes through her words and thoughts left in her journal.

A hybrid poetry and fiction novel, marrying poems with journal entries surrounded by a story of departure.

To be lost, was how she found her soul. Cast away on that tiny little craft of self. On no-one’s tide. Swallowing only her own light. This is how she hoped it could be All loss of time and space, never found. And s


 

Elevated point of view

In those eyes, there came a knowing.
A glance and fall, like a candle blowing.
Within that heart I felt a tear.
A wounded bird, tumbling mid-air.
And though tears cannot blur from view.
The rushing ground or distance from you.
I feel a heaven in my heart.
A glowing love struggles to depart.
So I close my eyes and hold my breath.
Into your eyes, I meet my death.

Lest we forget

Trying to steal your future away.
Landing on the moon to paint it blue.
Feeling the floor, years before; where you once imagined dreams may lay.
Now all is gone and the gold is rotten.
We cough out a different path.
Eyes shut wide, pain slips inside; so that I can never be forgotten.

Wounds

Inherently loved, unheard; yet felt so deep.
Who believes in wounds unseen?
Those wounds, where the light enters.
The scars that are maps to wonderlands.
Whispers of nightmares that generate only in the darkness.
What matters to them, is what matters to me?
Dreams die before they have to.
Bruised into understanding.
Are the places where the flowers grow.
Shiny eyes and metal hearts.
Soft brains torn apart.
Stitched back together by beautiful lies.
Wounds that seep, that darkness deep.
A gold to the soulless who wish to stay rich.
Forgiveness flies on the back of dark doves.
Heading out to sea to die.

Saint

You carried this heart, when it was aching and poor.
Dead to a world, that didn’t fit anymore.
Through rivers and dark, through pain and the trees.
You coated with love, and sucked out the diseases.
Now the day becomes night, and cold creeps on in.
Yet you keep me so warm, and you block out the sin.
And though tired yourself, you keep the fire burning.
As my eyes start to close, and the world keeps on turning.
Where there is horror, there is also a twinkling light.
In the image of you, that feels holy and right.
So we turn to you when, the need is the most.
When all that we feel, is the touch of a ghost.
Though sacred you are, I can reach through the soul.
And cover my eyes, in the divine to become whole.
Where once there was an empty space in this life.
You’re now nailed to my love, that cuts deep like a knife.
For you do not covert and keep for your own.
This love and redemption that lies in the unknown.
As I’ve seen you wash away all my fears.
In your kisses and whispers, and your golden light tears.

Winter descends

Winter comes, like all the seasons.
Betrays the summer with its frozen reasons.
Killing off the leaves which cling so desperate to the branch.
And in my own mind’s yearly tree.
I hunker down quite hastily.
Sparing the blossoms of my head for another notch of time.
Surrounded and lost by love and laughter.
A festive phase much sought-after.
Frozen in the static of knowing where it all began.
So begin to fold the year away.
For memories linger but rarely stay.
Till’ soon it’s all forgotten like a love we had before.
And now the snow fills up my veins.
Frost and sadness cause fresh new pains.
And these bones are breaking to the cold creeping across the floor.
Yet while isn’t bleak and cold mid-winter.
There is a promise we can disinter.
Not guaranteed, there is a spring around God’s open door.
So enjoy the snow for it has never lasted.
A fading dust seasonally granted.
A beauty in the frozen landscape of winter’s yearly dance.
Make merry while you turn and tide.
Smile and bow to December’s bride.
Then greet tomorrow’s calendar with a better version than before.

Sweet dreams

Quiet, shhh; let the dreams take hold.
Block out the hurt, the noise and the cold.
Drift into the world of the never before seen.
A place where neither you nor I have been.
Those stories will unfold like the tail of a fairy.
Some of them tall, colourful and scary.
With places that can hide you when life gets too much.
Where you are brave and beautiful; and no longer touched.
Here is freedom wrapped in a space.
A wonderful illusion of time in a place.
So let the dreams now explode in your head.
All from the apparent safety of your bed.

Surface tension

Casting eyes to a blackening sky.
Shivering under circumstance.
Move this body to a state of change.
Sinking these broken teeth into something new.
It ripples in the heart and hangs heavy in the air.
A surface tension which paralyses.
It came up from the lava beds beneath.
Strummed, from the line to God.
This world swims in static like rain in the heat.
Fuzzing the wavelength and heralding pain.
It travels through these nerves.
That crimson city circuit beneath this skin,
which is fraying at the edges.
A thread of truth pulls like a vein to my heart.
Collapsing these teeth to the dust of a civilisation past.
It’s now the song in your chest.
Beneath the static pool of pressure lies the stone.
Dropped in by the devil years before to break the strain.
We swam in the sins of the moment.
Now this headache hangover heaves like yesterday’s terrible news.
And the stone sits under us, digging into our bones.
What breaks such tension?
What spirits such relief?
I look into chalky eyes and tired faces to find an answer.
It will lie, either in sleep or the deep.
For that’s where most fears shelter.
That’s where monsters are always slain.
Isotopic reactions, thundering like the rain.

 

Resplendent consumption

Though the dark spreads doubt and fear.
It is in the light where she creeps near.
For shadows and gloom she leaves in her wake.
With mournful tunes and deathly ache.
The light is what she needs to feed.
A pulsing urge, like a sprouting weed.
She sucks the light like marrow from bone.
And crawls inside that place called home.
She splits the joy and hope in two.
Suckles each like morning due.
Savouring each fantastic pleasure.
That shrivels for you, but to her is treasure.
This dark and heavy visiting member.
Will drain the light to a dying ember.
And leave you feeling almost dead.
While she licks these words inside your head.
That if darkness fades and you feel lighter.
If hope does spread and things feel brighter.
She will return like a rolling cloud.
To kill the light with her consuming shroud.

Seems forever lost?

We do not fade when you close your eyes.
Etched in stone, carved in lies.
Beneath those words please sympathise.
Something starts, when something dies.

And though it seems we’re miles apart
I commit to god for the pain to depart.
When megaliths fall, freedom starts.
And so will heal, your blackened heart.

Be me

Hold on to me, let me share your soul.
Touch this skin as warm as a nightmare.
Cold as dawn.
Why can’t you just be me?
And feel these memories that rip inside.
Feel the daggers in the veins in such absence.
You could sense it all, if you were me.
The resentment in your heart that plunges into my lungs.
Squeezing the love out of my eyes.
Gasping for breath as you force us under icy water.
Why can’t you just be me?
Linger a moment on that thought.
Don’t travel through this pain like a ghost.
You could understand this knife in hand.
That slides across such beaten tracks.
And I, why I could lock out all feeling.
Lost in swirling ignorance of self-content.
If our bodies melted into each other’s crust.
Shifting the bones like tectonic plates.
I could walk away with lies in my eyes and a beautiful smile.
And you could loiter once more, on a ledge that threatens a fall.
Down to the empty cavern of a well mined heart.
Plundered of its shiny jewels of love.
If you could only be me, witness to such needless cruelty.
I’m sure the heavens would open once more.
And the future could feel soft like clouds.
Can’t you for once, be me?

Death in neutral

Death comes, not in the sudden felling of your tree of life.
That monumental crash in the wooded realm of existence.
Or in an avalanche of silent demise,
Crashing into white off a precipice that follows a climb.
Death never leaves a new life.
It breathes silently on your skin.
Like a misty voice, cold and condensed.
Dew dropping its pain along the way.
Watching as your petals of life fall.
A new one each day.

Tsunami

We stand on the shore, called down by the ocean.
The sweet swell motions the blood.
Reminds me I am human.
I feel safe in this storm.
As the wind rushes these bones.
Threatening the inevitable damage, I wait for the change.
Holding out for such wild destruction.
This land knows me not, we are but visitors here.
Collecting coconuts of contempt that we store for every season.
Each man an island. Each one built on sand.
Atlantis parading in peril.
Off on the horizon the ship struggles.
Souls shuffle, towards that great divide.
For that I cry.
But the tempest suffocates.
Throws away my tears, out into the eye that hovers.
And weeps only painful laments.
God watching on, lifting no finger.
Remembering the flood.
Soon we are drowning, smashed by the waves.
Broken on the shore of our lives that already began to recede.
I crawled once from the sea.
And too it now, we have returned.
Scattered and in pieces.
Littering the ocean floor.

Red #3: Red like my heart

If I cut myself, will I find you?
Red, like my blood.
Swimming in ecstasy.
When the darkness prevails, you abandon us.
Leaving me alone with such lonely beats.
Of a heart struggling.
Like a clock unwinding.
You think this heart naïve?
It knows, but is unready to act like you wish.
To thump and rise, as you bang then blame.
Or tell it to stop completely.
Naivety makes way for inability.
Of acting against this sabotage.
Yet you are beyond such human fragility.
If I cut you, do you even bleed?
Would you leak a love all over me?
Flooding this space with such sweet honey.
Or should I let you fly.
And find you only in those heartbeats.
That synthesise a disappearing.
A pattern of a death so complete.
That it stains the world forever.
And heard across your universe.

Red #1: Red rain

Clumsily those bones broke.
Splintered and collapsed in the red rain.
An aching for all the world to see.
They want to give you cartoon kisses.
They want to trap your ghost.
You drag it all to the city limits.
Where there was once a river that used to run.
Under blue skies and summer sun.
Now the red rain washes only into your eyes.
Crimsoning your view of the outskirts.
What really is that thorn in your side?
What turned your bones to chalk?
You sit down by the apple tree, dyed a ruby red.
Nursing the self-made scratches.
Covering up the scars.
Who became you inside, when you true self fled?
Hanging your head is too easy, so raise it to the sky.
Push the bones back in place, silently cry in pain.
Wait for the flood.
From the sweet divine red rain.

Lacerate

The sound of war orchestrally sings.
A symphony that echoes.
You clench your fist, and raise you wings.
The madman in you bellows.
And to that door, my eyes now move.
All exits, in thought retreating.
To leave you be, consuming me.
Your sacrifice now fleeting.
For every time you raise your voice.
And swear and shake anew.
I cannot see, or understand that choice.
In biting the hand that feeds you.

Downfall in disappointment

As it comes on with no surprise.
Like the lead in the paint that hangs on these walls.
The disappointment blooms, like you knew it would.
The little teeth of trust you let drop.
Like the milk bones of youth.
I will only disappoint, because you allow me to let you down.
You trap yourself in walls of expectation.
Painting them black and red.
Matching your eyes.
Which follow and watch with such greedy intent.
Drilling the holes in me that allows the dam to burst.
And flood this space with regret.
For these disappointments clink like the ice in your glass.
Unneeded, for you are already chilled to the bone.
Moving through the crowd, placing us like chess pieces.
High up on the pedestal.
Setting us all up to fall.

Turning blue

Why is my world painted red?
No home, no hope, no heart.
Cast on a raft headed to the end.
Your vermilion tongue spits these thoughts.
A fever and the fakery that expands.
Yet these lies break in my hands.
And the hope swims beneath.
Blue and enticing. Like the ocean in god’s eyes.
A Sweet expanse of blue.
And nothing like you.

A Calling

This life is a blend of black and grey.
I’ve come here now to take you away.
And hold your hand, in the face of sorrow
You’re wrong to say that, please just go.
There are things here that you will never know.
I always have, the hope of tomorrow.
But tomorrow is now out of your hands.
The pain will come, you won’t understand.
When your heart and soul, will be nevermore.
That’s why I grasped her hand so tight.
We fled right there out into the night.
And she took me away, to unseen shores.