Lost illusions

Fold the world into silence.
Mute the lava that runs through our core.
Bubbling into frantic action.
When anger shows.
So many lives, repeated like a failing student.
Brought back time and again, yet never the same.
Lessons drip from these eyelids.
Lies smother the eyes of such hopeful.
Innocence trapped in ice.
Drop these illusions like a weight of the moon.
Flung out into the cosmos, only to orbit your world.
God eclipses such distant.
Love replaces the fear of the known.
Nobody knows what is yet to come.

Marker: Black bones vanished

To leave this weary land, is like turning off a light.
My tiny heart is shattered into a million little pieces.
Please understand.
I can no longer fight.
My black bones crumble and my eyes bleed.
And this heart struggles, squeezed by a ghost of a dream I once made.
You lost your way, but are happy with what you found.
Caught between goodbye and complications.
I long for more than this, and the sky above is opening.
I must leave, so please understand my departure.
For to remain allows the belief that I understand.
And linger like a taste in your mouth.
So I will disappear, like words of love and forever.
Muttered into my ear as you cum.
But my exit wounds will never heal.
And your soul, that I tried to steal, will freeze in your bones.
That walk and creak to a lonely death.
Silently stuttering my name.

Violent Psalms

Hallelujah.
The stars inhaled.
A waking darkness crashes into these eyes.
I hear the havoc in this hymn.
And see the shapeless violence crawl forth.
Please, swear now to god and offer forgiveness.
Excuse the trauma that rages out of heaven.
It rained down like this before.
I saw London swallow whole the eternal demise.
It never exhaled this life, this evening, this being.
God left beauty for the angels.
The ugliness of change clings to his fingertips.
Such violence.
But sit, crouch, cry out into the nothingness that now stretches endlessly.
And pull apart that blackened struggling heart.
Which heaves with knowledge and remembering.
Then wash it out with diamonds and blood from those who cared.
Smile towards heaven and forgive those there.
Redemption bears down on all.
Then cry out black tears which curdle in the air.
While the world wipes clean and shudders into tomorrow.

Heroin(e)

Fire crack cackle in hushed shadows.
Little fingers about to be cut off.
What you say makes me shudder.
A creeping shiver left at the side of the bed.
A mind now full of kitty litter.
With the life looking and an ache to scratch.
Weakness, tossed out like surprise.
Sweetness that came in like a hammer to the glass heart.
Lick me up like spite, with a malice reduced down into silver spoons.
As I fall away from you.
And watch you choke on words and not loneliness.
It moves now in to post-blue passive aggressive.
Feeling the testosterone in our bones.
Angry, because you wanted it this way.
Embattled and emblazed with the world shouting us as well.
Waiting for the silence to once again smother our fires.

Outward ink

Where do you go, when the anger shows?
The pulsing in the veins.
Threatening to tear the skin.
I close my eyes. I need such protection.
My blood is as thick as oil, and my heart as black.
Why do the things you say splinter me?
Rising my inner mercury.
My hands vibrate to sonic sound.
Angels crying, and a war in heaven.
The fury felt through a thousand decades.
Torn from the very books that celebrate such divinity.
These thoughts and callous kisses close in.
Peeling back my lips to bare these well-worn teeth.
The bones break and shift.
Ascending my temples as you try to look away.
But look deep within this life.
Into these blackening pools of my eyes.
Do any of us win?
Struck skin and nitroglycerin on the tongue.
Blossoming florets of purple that do not smell sweet.
They only anaesthetise me in an opium blur.
Sending my skull into the floor.

The Ends of her world

She tried to save him on that day.
That day, when the coffee stained sky folded.
She reached out in her own way.
Only for her hands to turn to stone.
And her mind to dust.
A cruel trick of fate positioned her.
To watch his demise from such a vantage point of safety.
Silenced in an eternal knowing.
While a tempest raged in her eyes and mind.
So she threw it all back in time.
Crouched under her bed until the voices left her.
The thuds on the door and within her heart.
While the vines creeped up around her veins,
she erased all that she knew.
At least she tried to.
And she disappeared into the rains that came after.
Leaving no trail in her wake.
Chasing dragons by the flooded lagoon.

Raging storm

Your clouds are black.
Coffee stained and lava grey.
Swirling and destroying like a tornado touching down.
Soaking me in rain dripped misery.
Sucking the bolts from my foundation.
There’s no calm in your storm.
No eye to your needle of chaos.
Swelling your seas in the face of my defiance.
Shouting into the winds of your frustration.
But you are just a ragging storm.
Lost in my lonely hurricane.

Tears in time

Shake.
The earth quivers and the sky falls like tears.
Every time you cry.
Like a rip in the fabric of life.
A scar on time.
When you break.
My inner messiah bleeds.
Red like your anger. Frozen like your defeat.
Held in my arms like dust.
Blowing in the hurricane.
Your pieces land on my heart.
Cutting me deeper.
Falling.
Collapsing to the floor like broken bones.
When you cry.
The hairline break takes hold.
Breaking your wings.

Swimming to safety

Sat looking for the interruptions, dusting steel.
Climbing through barbed wire.
Coating the shattered glass with honey; that you make me lick.
Boxed up emotions, humming through a phone wire.
Twisting around us, seeping into my bones.
Swim with me in stupidity. Duck and cover until we drown.
They come into our little scene, gravitated by the angry words.
Goody gumdrops, the fall of Rome. The fall of the house of Usher.
The fall between states.
Leaving me here like coins lost down a couch.
Waiting for fingers to rescue me, to touch me deep.
(Please don’t try and tempt me now)
I’m heading in a new direction, so don’t tell me all these dreams are fake.
Sitting still and dodging catapults.
Ashamed to know you lost. Scratching words into me like ‘believe’.
Unbolt me and take me apart. Categorise and sermonise in your hypocrisy.
Shove me back into the truth.
We all go back to where we belong.

Drifting further

Now available 

51j5Baft0DL._AC_US160_
“Rest is best, such beneficial benediction. Resting from illness, resting from the world. I love to shut myself away, to rest my wounded heart. Yet it brings on a mouldy conditioning, decaying into my own lament. Sleep is always a release, yet sometimes I wake and cannot tell if I am waking or still dreaming. If I notice you are there, then I know it is a sweet dream. The kind that taste like chocolate in your mouth, a marshmallow in your heart. Sweet and delicious, I become addicted. It’s the nightmares that correct this headiness, stomping through my mind like a trampling dinosaur out for prey. I toss and turn, wrestling with the darkness, slipping in and out of something which I’m still unsure of.

Then the ringing began, buzzing through my skull like tap dancing crocodile teeth…..”

The mouse that roared
My mouth is full of blood, from biting my tongue so much.
The teeth are stained a crimson, like I’m a vampire.
What’s this now, be good, play nice? Do not shove the other kids in the park!
I never did, it was they who shoved me.
Colour inside the lines now, no need for flashy colours.
Subservient or spineless, which definition do you prefer?
You leave me here with a doormat face, ready for you to walk your muddy boots across my soul.
I am sorry, the end has come.
Do not be surprised by the mouse that roared, or the tiger that sprang from the jungle that you thought was never there.
You put it here, you did this.
I’m not going to apologise for being myself.
We cannot turn back the clock that ticks away annoyingly.
You cannot leave with this all over me.
Place me in the bell jar, the nut house, or the graveyard.
Tickle my bones with your superiority, and your need to be right.
Only god will judge me, and he’ll give me his chair to rest while I catch my breath.

Lexicon and lightning storms

Play those words like cards, split from the stacked deck.
Forever in your favour.
I’m tripping, and sticking to the toffee words on your tongue.
You led me here, with poisoned breadcrumbs and the promise of perfection.
Your mouth looks so tempting, as clean as an oven.
I tried to be all for you, without crucifying who I was.
Your spear of our destiny digs in deeper, seeing what’s left inside.
Blood and broken dreams frozen in tears.
Spill me, fill me. No longer thrilling me with thoughts of tomorrow.
The dark clouds roll in and I see your quickening quarrel gather speed.
I put up my umbrella towards the oncoming deluge, fixing the weather vane to my heart.
Swirling in the confusion, the hurricane of you anger.
I let go and drown in the onslaught of your hypocrisy.
Battered against your will, struck by your electric storm.
Drifting in the debris of you and me.

Merry-go-round

I am standing still, looking at you,
Your hand in mine, is slipping through.
I stop to shout, to utter a cry.
Your smile and face, they rush on by.
I raise my voice to stop your tracks,
You raise yours, and shout right back.
Back and forth, shots land on the ground.
Both of us nailed to this merry-go-round.