Return

A life led well in good graces.
Smiling often, traveling places.
Banishing the darkness, only seeing the light.
Yet on the way she struggled.
Her heart and mind, forever muddled.
For in all that time she’d never found someone who was right.
People were kind, and she made them smile.
And she would stay for a little while.
Before the itch began to scratch underneath her skin.
Forever searching, but never finding.
That one to love, always hiding.
She wandered lonely still until a sudden call within.
Took her away from the crazy city.
The maddening pulse, of pride and pity.
And beckoned her back to the wild from where she’d came.
Through the trees and forests before her.
She made her way, the hidden eyes a stir.
Until she saw the tuffs and silk of a lycanthropic mane.
She felt at home in this new scene.
He wondered where on earth she’d been.
Reminding her that this had once been her home.
And in her smile there came a knowing.
A familiar feeling, a happiness showing.
That now back with nature, she would never be alone.

Try

The vessel inside overflows.
Screaming to expand.
The trying, the tearing.
The overcometh of each battle, each day.
As those warriors say.
We leave nothing but our trail.
Blood and candles to light the way for others.
A legacy gilds the petal of our history.
The bloom of overcome.
The fragrance of succeeding.
In the skin that sheared from the bone.
And tears the weep from eyes that have seen tomorrow.
We sleep an eternal rest, knowing that we tried.
So now sweet moment, which I gather in it’s lustre.
I be present with you, and smile at the strength it took to make it.
Where I fall, may there be lilies and lotus flowers.
Marking the space as sacred and inviting.
An organic tombstone to one, who did nothing but try.

Wichita eyes

In the night they burn.
Fireflies trapped in an amber jar.
Smelling the sand on my skin.
The dust-bowl offerings to a world of plenty.
Wichita eyes follow me.
Bar stamped and ready.
Hovering over something entirely.
Waiting to be consumed.
Where do you go now motel boy?
Burning holes through my skin.
Somersaulting in and turning my blood to milk.
The day fades away, blackening the eyelids of the young.
The eyes always ready.
Waiting for tomorrow.

Shell of imaginary imagination

Caught in the tangled weeds of busy nothing.
A mind fraught and frayed in the vines of life.
I wait for god to cut me free.
Yet in my sleepy weariness I hear.
A starlight voice that tickles the back of my neck.
And turns each shake into a shiver.
God whispers.
It’s all an illusion.
Your garden is your own.
And the demons are just voices trying to find a home.

Bloom

Creak and crack around the edges.
Let the dust and lust fall into the sky.
I spread my skin, hiding the unsightful scars.
Dazzling instead with my peacock stance.
These petals of purity, grown forth from a rugged soil.
Dance in the sunlight.
Coaxing ruby and daffodil stares.
Split open this mouth and allow words to flow.
Sweet like a mountain stream.
Coursed through volcanic changes of assumption.
Let you kiss my lava lips, that sting that tranquil water.
Turn my tale towards the sun.
Picked like photosynthesis on evolution’s hide.
What grows there they will chatter.
The borning out of terror-former.
Shocked out of a system that was impaled in the past.
Growing new delights to tantalise and snap.
Around this Venus.
Be on your guard and handle with gloves.
This thorny rose delivered from Eden.

Future is bright

The Future sits on fingertips.
What pulls a thread through?
Plucking emotions to tie on strings around fingers.
To wed golden bands around the past.
Memories shake and shiver into oneness.
Leaving the dark where it falls.
Lay your head down, so heavy and haloed.
As the lens of life splits with love.
The future swims in your soul like the coy in the pond.
Beautiful and patient.
Intent to disturb the waters of our heart.
To be swum and carried at equal measure.
All must end and all must fade.
The pain and challenges within melt away.
For nothing lasts forever.
And tomorrow is a brand new day.

Sailing into your soul

Though the universe spins on your finger.
And the moon sets and hums in your eyes.
I can see the space left in-between us.
The road of good intentions and pride.
Now as the ghosts settle into their cupboards.
And the demons hide under our bed.
I will drip further into your madness.
Caught up in your sleepy cobwebs.
For my soul is no longer loyal.
It betrays my needs for yours.
It would throw me into your ocean.
To further the movement of your oars.
As your little boat heads towards Neverland.
And my truth falls slowly to sleep.
Into your dreams I will tiptoe.
Blind to the wonders so deep.
I renounce my agnostic position.
I bow to every whim you command.
I will crucify my own indignation.
Through the flicker and twist of your hand.
Because all I want is your happiness.
To germinate from our love and our light.
That is why I cling like a barnacle.
To your boat and your soul so tight.

The Deep (Nothing but I am)

Wednesday,

I finally sorted out those boxes today, the ones from the move. I wasn’t sure if I would be staying here long, the laziness in me took control and had left them for ages. I want to make things more ordered now, unpack my life and gain some structure. I went through the boxes, and I can see why I had left them. Photos and knick-knacks, memories and pain rolled around some of the smaller boxes inside. I had forgotten I had bundled most of it up together.

But it wasn’t all disruptive to my soul. I found the seahorse mum had brought me back from her trip to the Caribbean. There was a starfish too, but I always liked the seahorse best. It reminds me of her now when I look at it, but in a hopeful way. She may be far away, but this little item refreshes the world as a reminder she was with me, she lived and thought enough of me to bring me something she knew I would love. I miss you mum, I will see you again soon though….I’ll make the effort.

THE DEEP

Swim, with a mouthful of stars.
And kiss these lips underwater.
Pick a pearl that cloisters inside my mind.
Clutch it deep with your bones.
Washing over your heart.
Lining your veins in mother of pearl beauty.
Inside, all still wet and curious.
Like the seahorses that swim here in the shallows.
Your thoughts call to me like the sea inside a shell.
Echoing a world which wavers on the edge of temptation.
Suck the salt from my skin which slips over you.
Crush me in rapid waves of emotion.
As my fingers move to a new tide.
Parading across your body, wallowing in your deep.


Taken from Nothing But I am


 

Come home

A sky threatening to swallow us whole.
Disappear into blue.
Lost in me and you, and the pulls of the earth.
You wandered too far into the outback.
Too far from my feathered touch.
Now the oceans recede.
And the heavens close.
The stardust of hope may sprinkle these sheets.
Matched by tears of absence.
Yet inside a birdlike song sings.
Come home.
Come home.

Glow

The little lights inside that twinkle.
Burn bright and strong within.
A beacon like a small church steeple.
To good, to god and sin.
Yet the ones that burn the brightest.
Must therefore burn half as long.
And your flame has burned the shiniest.
So soon, from our eyes, you’ll be gone.
But do not let your heart fall in sadness.
Or collapse into grey despair.
For your shining light has led the bravest.
Who will always remember you were there.

Delayed doxology

The pain turned to gold as the moon rose.
The loss of self-control and the shedding of time.
Dropped like leaves over a diamond lake of soul.
Always late, but now just on time.
Pealing away a skin that once bound.
A body so rooted in the now.
To each side there sits an angel.
Close enough to touch.
Calling me higher, yet I remain.
Being good, being whole, being of service.
The dark begins to melt into light.
The kiss of god, and the whisper of the divine.
Reaffirms my mind, that it all was meant to be.
Now I shudder in doxology.
Praise not just the creator for the air in my lungs.
But the lungs of god, which breathes new air.
I have lost my religion.
And found god where I least expected.
Hidden away, yet smiling at my fall.
Knowing the rise was good for all.

Miracles

A Splinter in the soul, the hidden fractures of the heart.
Allowing the pain of the world to seep in.
Engulfing you in dark.
Faith tingles on your fingertips like the whisper of god.
Little vibrations at first that can’t be shook away.
The angels whom surround, now welcomed in.
Outside of you, there is daylight.
Yet the world is like night.
Dark and thick in its melancholic soup.
Feasting on your sorrow like a hungry ghost.
How can you feel the sun like the others.
When the cold breath of death hisses on a constant.
Yet the devil had it’s day, and didn’t win.
And deep inside, much hidden within.
A tiny spark, a pilot light burns.
Turning the tears on your face to fire.
Conjuring something other, like divine combustion.
A miracle, one of many, waiting to burst forth.
God laughs and taunts, hoping to threaten more.
Watching the fireworks that bloom like pain.
Hoping they come forth, like a waterfall.
Miracles, to change your state of death and decay.
To transform the darkness to light.
The night forever into day.

Brace yourself

Please don’t hurt me, you don’t understand.
It’s my heart that is beating, bleeding there in your hand.
So forgive this emotion and whispering plea.
But it longs to be loved, not stamped and set free.

As it’s nearing the end, the potential is high.
For it to crumble right there, and for this dream to die.
So I ask you again, as I would an old friend.
To think for a moment, to heal and then mend.

The first thing to notice will be relief on my face.
Words in your ear like divine ecstatic grace.
Which promise a future, right here in the now.
To love you forever, no matter when where or how.

So please think again, with your hand around my heart.
It struggles already, with a squeeze I’ll go dark.
Instead kiss it better and pour love in my eyes.
And kiss me forever, till the day that we die.

Gonna get burned

You’re the one who comes between us.
Coughing out your IQ.
Slipping your hand behind the couch of the night.
Always slipping away.
Leaving me choking on spent haemoglobin.
My mind is wild and my eyes are wide.
But they scarcely see you.
The black bruise of loneliness settles all around.
Weightless and bare.
In the dark, it all looks the same.
Then you set this all on fire.
Warming your hands by the great destruction.
Casting on gasoline comments of indifference.
These words from you are vulgar.
Yet I thank you for your time.
Breathing them in and setting up homes for them inside of me.
Precious fragile fragments of attention.
Your racing heart surprises, it brings me back.
Brings me down.
Simmering into something else.
I come back to you again in little pieces.
Littering your soul.

Made for you

A compulsive yearning to breathe you in and out.
Devour me with your secret skin.
Hold me from within.
Your candied smile and sacred heart.
A wonderful treasure of flesh and bone.
Given to me by God.
Protected by the angels above.
Who were once so cruel.
You sneak me into heaven.
With an open heart and palm.
Leading me to wonderful prevailing happiness.
Time over time as the universe bends.
Locked into your seraphim as we walk through the fire.
You never let me go, and I hold on tight.
An expression of the deepest truth that finds its way.
Making me pray, and thanking the world for you.
A secret power in our unity.
Stealing this destiny forever.

Don’t believe the past

Unwrap these dreams for another day.
Place them on the table while the time slips away.
Cough up a resolution, to the disorder and the chaos.
Let them take your blood type.
Dig you up like dinosaur bones.
These bones, so tired and hollow.
Broken from the strain of life.
Blink. Breathe. Begin.
Box up those nightmares.
Sweep the past into the corner of the solar system.
Douse yourself in oil and light a spark.
And blaze into a new collection of hours.
Of your borrowed time on earth.
For who knows how long we have.

Sanity amid the sadness

Who owns the world, to tell me it’s wonderful.
In my brown eyes, all I see is dismay.
Oh sweet bitterness, you taint me like poison fruit.
Slicing the world, sucking up the seas.
There were reasons to run and hide.
And the fires, are still not out yet.
Damage tingles still on my soul.
An unhealthy sobering state of reason.
You pulled the night and dark down.
Feasting once more on the pain laid bare.
Licking these lesions like hyenas.
Howling at my wounds.
Though this mind wavers on the verge of collapse.
With a heart traumaed into hyperactive failure.
I struggle and smile, wrestling with reason.
Tying ropes around the moon once more.
For though the soil is dark and dangerous.
And it suffocates the very germ of hope.
A tiny seed remains, the true core of me.
To grow out of the rest, which is all just illusioned pageantry

Dissolve

On my fingertips, dancing like a tiger.
The tip of my tongue, growling like a beast.
Naming you, shaming you and falling under.
My fingertips now tingle.
Blood and sweat dripping down like melting galaxies.
You fold away the past, and dissolve the future.
Streaking my colours into a frantic version of now.
Washing away the grey.
This good life you prophesize, I want to know all about it.
As I swirl round and round in the delusional dream.
Fizzing and floating on falling stars, while I wave goodbye to the lonely.
These cells break down and collapse.
This earth shakes underneath.
A ballet of our isotopes, that merge and fall with each of your heartbeats.
I cling to you, for fear of disappearing completely.
Of wanting to be lost in you.
This sweet gigantic resolve, the chaotic dissolve of mergence.
As you love me, for me.

Acceptable losses

It was in a sad lullaby when the end came.
Apathy creeped in with the rain.
Singing the song of departure, yet time stood still.
As the dismantling of a life took over.
And all love was under the rug swept.
You decided to forget me.
Cutting loose those moorings.
Digging up the root and fresh graves.
An acceptable loss to your stretching wings.
Hoping to soar over all of us.
Yet there is oil licking those feathers.
And though you may have clipped my own.
I know your wings will not fly you far.
My heart maybe covered in the dust of war.
Struggling to beat to unfamiliar drums.
But it still heaves to the thought of you falling from our sky.

Margin of error

Clouds across my windowed eyes.
Rain that splashes my soul.
Journeying once more in pain.
With the cross I bear scraping the skin.
Wandering along that lonely mountain path.
Crushing stones and sympathies underfoot.
Careful at the mountain ledge.
Careful at the water’s edge.
Leaving the drowning for the thoughts that never learnt to swim.
And the birds that cannot fly.

Stuck inside circumstance

Events unfold, these worlds crumble.
Something gets in the way of hope.
Words knock me through the floor like heroin.
Each feather in my back is plucked.
I’ve missed a miracle.
Yet longed for one deep inside these bones.
It never came.
Instead fracturing pain.
Like a moth disguised as a leaf.
Creeping in, promising natural wonder.
Veined in oxygen that trickles like opium.
Now I weep then sleep.
Like the moth, ugly yet fragile.
Fluttering ever closer to the flame that will consume.

Outward ink

Where do you go, when the anger shows?
The pulsing in the veins.
Threatening to tear the skin.
Close these eyes, in need of such protection.
Blood as thick as oil, and a heart as black.
Words splinter me?
Rising my inner mercury.
My hurt vibrates to sonic sound.
Angels crying to the war in heaven.
The fury felt through a thousand decades.
Torn from the very books that celebrate such divinity.
These thoughts and callous kisses close in.
Peeling back my lips to bare these well-worn teeth.
The bones break and shift.
Ascending my temples as you try to look away.
But look deep within this life.
Into these blackening pools of my eyes.
Do any of us win?
Struck skin and nitroglycerin on the tongue.
Blossoming florets of purple that do not smell sweet.
They only anaesthetise me in an opium blur.
Sending my skull once more into the floor.

Keep a light on

Those juggernauts cry to a halt.
Bearing the machines of our love, they slowly die.
Not a collide or a collapse.
I wanted to see it for myself.
To take pictures of that ruinous pageant.
The end came before the goodbye.
Lost in the arms of another.
Eyes forced shut by the glitter in the tears.
Your pain cascaded into mine.
Fading through the line, stretched over distance.
Crawling from the wreckage, I promise to keep a light.
Burning long into the night, and my own car on the road.
Blazing into the dark, offering you hope in the distance.
Where you hide all of our feelings.