Everything arranged, just fades away.
Washed by a black sea.
The shiver into nothingness.
While eyes above watch.
Grief picks its place.
Planting rotten flowers that scratch the eyes.
I Move away from everything I knew.
Death coming in with the tide.
Staining my ankles and heart.
Taking what is most precious out with its salty inhale.
Sorrow settles in.
Showing up, now hope has lost its way.
How high to stem the breaching tide.
That washes daily into our lives.
A rise and fall, with horrific force.
Split and cut right through our course.
And though at times it seems sublime.
It slowly soaks with turpentine.
A drowning water in our lungs.
Of life’s debris, while Satan hums.
And watches while we slowly sink.
God’s dye is cast, a deep red ink.
Which covers us and pulls us under.
Ripped from mercy, cast asunder.
And so we land in bits and pieces.
Choked on truth, strewn on beaches.
And watch while new shores rise and peak.
A brave new world, in which to wreak….havoc
With all this talk of heaven.
Lapping at your feet.
Washes only the surface.
Never flowing deep.
For inside the bones are rotten.
And the sins stain and swell.
Redemption is forgotten.
Perpetuating this hell.
Your tissue and bone, like hammer and stone.
Lay me down with this poison.
Counting heart beats, the frenzied heat of your touch.
Leads to my defensive corrosion.
Strychnine, and baths of turpentine.
Which strip away all doubts,
In a sweet sublime watery grave.
Your kiss. The dangerous list of a vessel.
Aching to be near you. Pumping to please you.
And sinking with your tide.
This stream of thought.
This river of time.
Washes over and feels sublime.
I watch the world as it drifts on by.
A passing ripple.
A distant cry.
Yet I have drowned in these moments passed.
Lost now forever.
For nothing lasts.
And though my body floats on the tide.
It’s only a reminder.
Of how all life subsides.
The water rippled towards him, a small wave plunging forth in its final effort onto the beach. It coated his feet in a warm embrace. He watched as the water receded hastily, as if it had disturbed him yet eager to do it once more. The ocean inhaled, drawing back again as the great expanse seemed caught between the beach and the horizon.
Somewhere in his mind a clock ticked, indifferent to the relaxing flow and rhythm of the tide…..
The water rippled towards him, a small wave plunging forth in its final effort onto the beach. It coated his feet in a warm embrace. He watched as the water receded hastily, as if it had disturbed him yet eager to do it once more. The ocean inhaled, drawing back again as the great expanse seemed caught between the beach and the horizon.
Somewhere in his mind a clock ticked, indifferent to the relaxing flow and rhythm of the tide.
Turning, he caught sight of them once more, up on the sand dunes, walking across them like they were the treacherous paths of Everest. Taking giant strides as they struggled against the depts of the sand. He called them over but was waved off by a frustrated hand. Busy.
He smiled and begun to make his way towards them. The wind caught around him and nudged him on, as if the finger of God steered his way.
It was hot that day, but not unpleasant. The sea breeze found each pore, relieving them from the sun which shone down in it’s burning smile. He carried his shoes in one hand, having taken them off before heading down towards the water. He wasn’t used to the beach lifestyle, but this was what he always did. Taking his shoes off, rolling up his trousers, just in case. He reached them quickly and held out his free hand for them to take. They stumbled slightly over a large mound and almost dove toward him, reaching for him desperately like the edge of a cliff.
“Why don’t you come down to the water, the sand is more compacted there.”
“I don’t want to get my shoes wet.”
He looked down at their shoes, now covered in grains of sand. Dust and damaged, already in need of cleaning.
They kept hold of their hand and they walked on a bit. He slowly begun to steer them towards the sea, but they still kept on the deeper sand trail; his feet digging deep into the cooler parts with each step.
The beach was almost empty. It was a Wednesday, in winter. But winter here was not a winter there. It was hot, and relaxing and exactly where he wanted to be.
His hand was sweaty, and he was conscious of them letting go, but they kept hold of it. Rubbing his thumb with there’s to show affection.
They came to that spot, the spot they knew so well, and which gave them the clearest view of the bay. The beach was a half-moon shape, curving around the bay like a giant force had scooped out the land, letting the sea wash in closer. It was so clear, he could see out into the nothing, as the waves bobbed and churned in their maddening calm. What could’ve been a dolphin poked up further out, gone as quickly as it appeared in the rise and ebb of the sea.
“Why do you always come here?”
He looked at them, the instant sadness appearing there like a ghost.
He gripped their hand a little tighter.
“Don’t you like it here, you love this place.”
“Yeah, I know.”
The wind blew a little stronger, and if he were honest a little colder too.
He kissed them, closing his eyes like he always did. Feeling their lips as he felt the tiny moisture there. He took his hands and ran them up their back and into their hair, cupping them both in the moment. Breathing them in, holding them close, wiping away the tear which had begun to slide so silently down their cheek.
“It’s a place I can always come to when I cannot go on.”
He said this, as tears came to his own eyes. Blurring his image as if the sea had leaked inside of him.
The clock in his head suddenly shuddered, doubling the ticks in rapid progression.
“You know each time you add something. This time I took your hand.”
He looked away suddenly, as if he’d been discovered.
“I like it too, but it’s something I’d never have done.”
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
He watched as the waves hurried in, ignoring them there on the beach. Going about their tidal business. Commanded by the moon.
“There are more of course, but you always come to this one. I guess you’re the happiest here. I was too.”
He pulled them in tightly, scared they were already slipping away. He felt them, heavy and solid and gripping on to him also.
“I can’t unlove you. I can’t undo any of this.”
His tears flowed onto them, the wind stung slightly, catching the dampness there in his sockets.
“I love you still. You just doubt that, which saddens me.”
“I love you.”
“Then in the end, we win.”
Tick.
Tock.
And they both were gone.
–
Worry is like a prayer for something we don’t want. Our mind, at times, takes us to such dark places beyond that which gives us light. We can choose where our consciousness leads us, right now in the moment. We can choose what is projected on the wall of our mind. But it is our movie, our film which we have a say on how it ends. If you want to change it, change your consciousness and choose happiness over pain, light over dark.
It was packed so tightly that it all got stuck.
A love weeping in the sediments of us.
You can feel it rushing down that valley inside.
Crimson boats on a disappearing tide.
And though your mind seeks now to triumph.
This heart still whirls its stark defiance.
Against a gulf that keeps exceeding.
A pain that hurts and keeps repeating.
It calls upon sweet ancient magic.
The spell of love, to vanquish tragic.
Havoc and Consequence 