Anhedonia

Nonsense in the air like snow.
Palpable excitement in the flurries of youth.
Catching in hands and eyes.
Down there, where the air is thick with intent.
Gone within the hour.
It may fall and drip like butter.
Seeping into the empty shells of my life.
Yet still it’s unmoving.
A granite edifice of misdirection.
Locked in a dragons breath smile.
Keeping the world at bay.
And now they know.
They drink up, up, up.
Ritalin reasons to make the moment real.
But she only wants to be.
Only in the air like the snowflakes.
Everywhere and beautiful.
But quickly gone.

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15 thoughts on “Anhedonia

  1. When your young and experience this type of emptiness it feels like joy was never reality. This should be frightening but that feeling is even stolen from you.
    Becoming like a snowflake and moving through this quickly would be the blessing in all of this. I love that idea as the escape. Let nature be on our side when human endeavors/pills have not sustained our healing.
    Thanks for writing this.

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    • That’s a stark comment of the experience of youth, the maddening grey of nothing fulfilling. I suppose the other side of that is the manic part, where everything else is heightened to excess. I like the idea of snow and the flurries…and the transportive nature of…nature. You’re very welcome, i’m glad/and sad it spoke to you such.

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      • Oh it’s okay. I’ve always been a stark girl. To extreme one way or the other. But I admire how you articulate so well those lack of or excessive feelings I have had, which makes me believe you do understand it more than you know.
        Yes weather/ nature is the best elements for the transportive experience.
        Which reminds me have you heard of a fire tornado before? I just saw a video of one yesterday. Double trouble!

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      • I think the lack of something opens a vacuum that is either filled by something quick and sugary, or freezes the walls and lays a mist on the abyss. Stones drop into nothing, and nothing stirs the water. I suppose only light can fill that empty space, or the space needs to shrink.
        Oh, fire tornadoes are frightening – all fire and fury. I do like the water ones though, they are strangely otherworldly. Is Indianapolis prone to severe weather?

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      • Good analysis. Yeah is just finding the right way to shrink that space.
        Yes of courses. No fire or water spouts that I’ve seen here but just your average f1 to f5 tornados since we are in tornado alley.

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  2. “Nonsense in the air like snow” – the best definition of anhedonia.

    “But she only wants to be.
    Only in the air like the snowflakes.
    Everywhere and beautiful.” – This is beauty. Don’t be quickly gone.

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    • Thank you, yes it was a term i wasn’t familiar with but liked the meaning. I think snow is so beautiful and transformative, but so ephemeral too. Glad you liked this one!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I recall this feeling of emptiness at one point in life.

    “Nonsense in the air like snow.”

    That line hit me, a nature of which anxiety builds and the roller-coaster of life takes us to many different turns. Brilliant and moving poem my friend.

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